I need you to know that I love you more than you will ever understand. If you ever question anything about me (and you will) just always know this. I know I say it all the time and somehow after saying “I love you” every day, it loses it’s meaning. These words are very over-used and they don’t capture the real meaning – but, I do love you. No matter what you say or do – ever – I will always love you.

Also, I have your back. You will always have my support and my shoulder to cry on. You will always have a soft place to land when the world throws you some punches (it will). No matter what happens, I won’t ever judge you or condemn you. I won’t lecture or punish – I will just listen and help with what you need help. I won’t carry you, but I will hold your hand.

You need to know this – I am your mom. But, I am just a woman. I am just a girl in a woman’s body. I have no clue what I’m doing. I just wing it and hope for the best. Every single night I think about you two girls. I worry whether I am raising you right – am I screwing you up? I think of how intense my love for you is. And how incredibly painful it is to love something so much. I wonder if you are aware that I am truly proud to be your mom. I wonder if you know how truly glad I am that I had you. I know you will never have any idea of how many times you have saved me – kept me smiling through tears, made me laugh when I wanted to cry, made me act fine when everything was anything but. It made me strong and it made me have a purpose.

You are young girls now and every year there are new things we discover about each other. It’s strange to think when my mom was 40 (like I am), I was 20. Looking back I just thought that was so old and she seemed archaic to me. How wrong I was. I am just a little girl in a grown woman’s body. I don’t feel any age – I just feel like a girl. A lot of times I look at you playing outside on the swings and laugh to myself because it seems so absurd that you are mine. My children. What am I supposed to do with that? Well, I will never know – hopefully I am able to do enough right that you can both grow your own wings and soar to the greatest heights possible – farther and longer than I ever could.

Also, I am proud of you. I know…that’s another much over-used comment. A lot of us moms say it because we know we should say it and we really are proud. But, it loses its meaning. So, let me make it clear that I am so proud of you – not just about the art work you brought home, the poem you wrote to me in school, the great report card…but, because you are a beautiful, gracious, compassionate and perfect woman. You are both strong and stubborn. You are gregarious and smart as hell. And you make me proud to be a mother of such amazing little girls. I still can’t believe I was so lucky to be given such incredible gifts.

You are both amazing children. But, more than that, you are amazing people. You are my constant shining light in this often harsh and un-forgiving world. It still astounds me that I have this capacity to have such a perfect and unconditional love inside of me. It also scares the hell out of me – it is truly painful to love so much. You are so fragile – life is so fragile – I have seen it up close and personal and I know how quickly it can vanish. In the blink of an eye – sitting and laughing on mommy’s lap one minute, and gone the next. I know anything can happen. I know that our children are not really ours, we just borrow them while they are here on earth. So, it hurts. It hurts so much to love this way.

But, it’s worth every second. And thank you both. Thank you for making me look forward to seeing your sleepy faces in the early morning. Thank you for letting me hear your laughter when you play in the other room. Thank you for making me smile and face the day even when I don’t want to get out of bed. Thank you for letting me experience love and life like I never could have imagined. Thank you for being my children, my girls. Thank you.

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