Sorry – been so out of it lately (to put it nicely). I am seeing a new doc and he completely stopped all my adderall (amphetimines) and I was taking about 100mg a day. The side effects were too intense and since I have a (very long ago) past of speed addictions (among others), he didn’t think it was a great idea. I have been properly diagnosed with ADD and OCD – but the speed was too much.

But, I loved it. I miss it. I crave it. I am having horrific DT’s. Worse than any from any drug withdrawals ever.

I am exhausted. Achy. Irritable. Depressed. Headaches and I am starving.

But, after 8 months of speed I hadn’t slept in months – the last couple months I slept only a few hours total. I never ate anything – except Venti Lattes and peanut M&M’s. And chain smoked my cloves.

Now – he has me trying Focalin – new ADD drug with excellent feedback from everyone I know so far. It’s like Ritalin – without any of the side effects. Only problem – I come down around 3pm and get really pissy. But, I am eating. And I am sleeping. And I am actually getting real work done.

So – we will see how it goes. He says I can go back to the adderall if I don’t like this – but, I can’t imagine all that speed is good for my body. I can’t believe they give this stuff to little kids!

Only pain is that we have been moving in the past couple weeks and I sure could use the energy now! Waa. I know I am very whiney today. Like a big old baby.

Maybe he’ll give me some Valium or something for the late afternoon funk. How come it’s so easy to get shit-loads of drugs for kids (easily) but I have to beg. Makes no sense.

I am off to Starbucks to get my Iced Venti Vanilla Latte now – I need fuel from somewhere!

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